Known for her candid opinions on Loose Women, she is now Britain’s most direct advice columnist, offering guidance on issues related to sex, relationships, and life.
Dear Coleen
My spouse and I are anticipating our first child in January, and both sets of grandparents are thrilled as this baby will be their first grandchild.
My concern lies in the fact that my mother-in-law has initiated contact with my mother to discuss purchasing items for the baby such as a crib, stroller, car seat, and more.
She believes it is customary for grandparents to fulfill this role, but my parents are not financially capable of spending large amounts on these necessities.
It’s evident that my mother is feeling pressured about this situation.
To ease her worries, I have assured her that I will handle the situation and communicate with my mother-in-law to step back.
My partner and I are willing to purchase the essential items ourselves, and if the grandparents wish to give gifts upon the baby’s arrival, that would be appreciated.
The disparity in financial status between my in-laws and my parents is significant, making it effortless for the former to afford such expenses. I feel remorseful that my mother, in particular, has been placed in this predicament and wish my mother-in-law had consulted with us beforehand.
I aim to handle this situation delicately without causing embarrassment or distress to anyone and welcome suggestions on how to address it.
Coleen’s Advice
I recommend that your spouse speak with his mother regarding this matter. He should convey that you both prefer not to impose financial strain on your parents or others by expecting them to purchase costly items, as you have already made arrangements for them.
Suggest that it would be more meaningful for the grandparents to choose a special gift upon the baby’s arrival, emphasizing the personal touch. Politely propose that any future ideas be discussed with you beforehand.
It is crucial to address this issue promptly to prevent similar situations in the future, such as during the christening or the baby’s first birthday. Reassure your mother that the value of a gift lies in the thought and effort behind it, not its price tag.
Sharing a personal anecdote, my
