Dear Coleen,
I got married to my soulmate 14 months ago. While the wedding day ended beautifully, the period leading up to it was extremely stressful, damaging my relationship with my husband’s family.
His family bore most of the wedding expenses, which was a mistake as they began to control every aspect of the wedding once we accepted their financial help.
My mother-in-law and sisters-in-law were particularly unpleasant, leading to heated arguments due to the overwhelming stress. They criticized every decision I made and made derogatory comments about me behind my back.
In the end, I organized a small, intimate hen do with my best friend, excluding my husband’s mother and sisters. It was more personal and reflective of me compared to the extravagant Ibiza weekend his sisters had in mind.
As a result, his sisters have distanced themselves from me, and my mother-in-law often excludes us from family gatherings, which I find petty.
While my husband has stood up to his family and refuses to be manipulated, he still maintains contact with them since we live nearby. I am unsure about how to proceed – should I forgive their past behavior?
I have never received an apology from them, and I would appreciate your perspective on this matter.
Coleen says:
Unfortunately, weddings often become battlegrounds for family members who believe they have a say because they are financially involved. This can lead to unnecessary conflicts and shift the focus away from the true significance of the occasion.
On a positive note, you are now married to the person you love, and it seems your husband handles his family well. Ultimately, your relationship with your husband is what matters most, and his family may not play a significant role in your daily life.
Nevertheless, harboring negative feelings is not ideal. It may be beneficial for you to address your concerns directly with his mother or perhaps the sister you have a better rapport with. Alternatively, consider writing a letter expressing your sentiments and a desire to move forward positively. This could prompt reflection and potentially an apology from them, allowing you to embrace this joyful phase of married life.
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