Known for her straightforward approach on Loose Women, she now serves as Britain’s most candid agony aunt, offering advice on various personal issues concerning sex, relationships, and life dilemmas.
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Dear Coleen
I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for slightly over a year, but it has been somewhat turbulent.
Both of us are in our twenties, and I had feelings for him for a long time. Initially, he was in a relationship with another woman, so I never thought we would end up together.
However, when they broke up because she found someone else, I decided to pursue him. I attended every event he did, spent time where he frequented, informed his friends of my feelings, and eventually, we got together.
My concern is that he might still have feelings for his ex because he frequently mentions her, and it’s starting to bother me.
Recently, I confronted him and expressed my discomfort with him bringing up his ex. I understand it may seem excessive, but it makes me feel like I am not his priority.
We have had brief breakups a couple of times, usually triggered by his discussions about his ex or when he becomes unreachable, spending time with his friends.
In essence, I love him deeply, but I sense that he is aware of my feelings and that I feel insecure in our relationship. Any advice?
Coleen advises
It’s possible that he perceives himself as having the upper hand and enjoys being adored and idolized.
While I advocate for direct communication without games, perhaps it’s wise to take a step back, lessen the idolization, and have more self-assurance. Suffocating him with constant demands for reassurance of his feelings and loyalty, and making him feel overwhelmed, may drive him away. Avoid being that person; show him that his past relationship holds no sway over you.
He might talk about his ex because of lingering emotions from their breakup, or he might have rushed into a relationship without honesty. Only he can provide clarity on this.
Avoid comparing yourself to his ex or diminishing
